The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

I find it extremely hard to believe that my boys are back in school already. I can't decide whether the summer has flown by or if because of chemo gone by at a snail's pace. I feel guilty that the boys haven't really had a "fun" summer and basically been watching me go through chemo week, recovery week(s), decent week and then right back to chemo week. It's a vicious circle.

Logan started first grade and a different school. I like how this school system starts in the middle of the week...I think that helps the kids adjust and then it's the weekend without feeling overwhelmed. If you are wondering why you don't see any pictures of Keegan...well, he just flat out refused 'first day of school pictures'. That's ok though, I plan on getting some next week whether he wants to or not. It's my duty as a mother to get pictures! :)

 School started during chemo week (yikes!) and here I am two days into treatments, bloated with fluids...at least I hope that's what it is ;) My MIL has been an angel, especially this week. We knew it was going to be tough with school and chemo. She has been running around like a champ for me. Getting prescriptions, grocery shopping, doing the dishes, sitting with me in chemo, bringing me lunch during chemo, taking the boys to school, and picking them up etc.....all while working. She is the greatest.

 For some reason, I haven't been telling you the results of my latest 2 cat scans...probably because I've been disappointed in the results. To catch you up to speed...I was to have six months of chemo to try to shrink tumors on my lungs and liver with CT scans after every two treatments. I was really excited to get the results of the first scan....I was expecting the tumors to be smaller...you know, "let's get this cancer!!"...but they weren't. In fact one had even gotten larger. The majority of them are stable. The doctor said this was not bad....well, it is when you daydream about tumors shrinking and/or completely disappearing! The second scan yielded much of the same: stable.

Logan at his desk, how cute! I love this age!

 Well, six months is finally here. This past week was my last week. I should be feeling a little more positive, but really I don't. I might have to stay on chemo.....and basically: I don't wanna!! (Insert whiny voice)

I have my third and final CT scan (for a while) in three weeks and it will determine whether I stay with chemo or not. So I have to wait. For three weeks. I'm sure that it will get here pretty quick and I will be complaining about having to drink the barium....but I am certainly not getting my hopes up.

Last weekend, I planted some succulents in my little homemade planter. Do you remember these? Succulents are about the only thing surviving right now with the drought conditions.

 It won't be long and I will be adding more mums and kale to the flower bed

What I think will happen, although it could change, is that I get the CT scans in hand and go back to NIH in Bethesda. Maybe they will start me on the experimental drug now (that is for my kind of cancer) and forgo the chemo for now (please, please, please). But we will see, right?

The waiting is the hardest part...any Tom Petty fans out there?? :)

I am signing off for now, but I want to thank you all for the emails and comments. I read each one and I know I can't always reply....although I do try...thank you!