Let's start with a pretty picture, shall we (taken on my trip home)? It's been over a month since I've sat down to type, but I felt today was a good day to write, so here I am. I think the last time I left you I was due for my next chemo treatment....We'll start from there.
Along with chemo I was to see the doctor to find out the results of my latest CT scan. I saw the doctor first and I will just blurt it out, the cancer has spread and gotten larger, especially on my lungs. The chemotherapy is just not working. So I didn't even get chemo that day...what for? It's not doing it's job so why go through the process? Since this regimen was the last line of treatment (and it won't be continued), this is basically it and at the rate of growth, the doctor gives me less than a year to live.
You can imagine that I wasn't very happy, I'm not happy, in fact like a blubbering mess. Since the oncologist here can't do anything further, he referred me to MD Anderson which is a cancer center in Houston Texas. Have you heard of it? I never had. It's a world class teaching hospital that has lots of trials. I had my records and scans sent over to Houston and within 2 weeks, my MIL and I drove to Houston to see these new doctors. I should mention that the trial I was waiting for at NIH ended! SO MD Anderson became front and center.
I saw the doctors and they think I am perfect for a trial that is starting almost immediately. It is just a pill, but it's never been tested on humans so basically no one knows how I will react or tolerate the pill...but I've got to try something. Unlike the doctor here, they didn't want to put a "time" on my life expectancy. What I'm trying to focus on is that this pill is for my type of cancer and maybe it will work.
I am also working very hard on giving this burden to God. He can certainly handle it better than I can, but as soon as the "less than a year to live" came out it suddenly became very hard. Isn't that strange? I guess when I take my eyes off Him, my weaknesses/sickness become VERY obvious and it's hard to remember that he is strong and this is an opportunity to show His strength. Not in me, not in the doctors, not in a little pill but what He can do.
So I go back to Houston in less than a month once a week for a month, then every other week for a month, then finally once a month. I don't know how long it will last, I suppose it will be based on how the cancer reacts and I tolerate this mysterious pill. Between now and then and I am just going to enjoy the summer, work on the kitchen project (which is going VERY slow, BTW ;) and maybe devote some time to wreaths. Whatever I can do. I don't plan on this much time elapsing between writings either, but I'm sure you guys understand. I will talk to you soon. Thanks for being here.
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