I feel like I'm slipping...like a lot. It dawned on me when I was looking through pictures of this time last year...hardly any pictures of my boys or our life, not any of crafts, projects, or tablescapes either (which I realize is not important, but still a big part of me). You guys know I take pictures all. the. time. and of everything. I haven't been present for a very long time and it bums me out. I realize that chemotherapy was occupying the majority of everything.....I just haven't been myself. Looking at pictures and the huge gap in time made me painfully aware.
I'd like that to change, but I really don't know if it will. My latest CT scans are positively depressing. Tumors are growing and more appearing, and there's another mass growing in between my liver and stomach.
Thanks to the beauty that is Instagram, I have some pictures of my trips to MD Anderson. I've finally started the trial medication and the doctor said we are "cautiously optimistic" that the medicine will stop the cancer from growing. For some reason cautious and optimistic used together isn't very soothing, but I know I'm in God's hands and well, that's soothing.
I've been taking the drug for 10 days now and been to Houston 4 times. I find Houston VERY intimidating, busy and crowded. I just have to get use to it, I know.
Palms. Can we talk about palm trees? I find it very strange, maybe because I spent my life on the east coast, to see palm trees in Texas. Florida, yes, South Carolina, yes...Houston? Are the winters mild? Must be....I should Google that.
The day the trial started. I've been fasting since midnight, coffee deprived and completely cranky. Give me the flippin' medicine already....errr....I mean, I'm so thankful they chose me to participate in a potentially life saving study.
Down the hatch. My MIL took this picture for me. 4 little capsules and a 7 hour blood draw-meaning I had to stay in the hospital and they drew blood every hour to make sure everything was going ok. I had another blood draw the next day (Friday) and was able to leave. We got home late and I was soooooo exhausted. We left Monday returned on Friday and I felt much like a lab rat myself. Luckily, Elaine kept Logan for me because I slept Saturday and Sunday away.
But then I was better and able to listen to this guy talk and tell me about his week with daddy and me-maw-maw (great-grandma)
I also went to my hair stylist for a trim...at least that's what I wanted. I got a holy crap that's short cut instead. She is extremely gifted with a pair of scissors, but I was bald just a few months ago-I feel like I'm practically starting over again! I know, it'll grow out again. Justin asked me: "Are you ever going to let your hair grow long again?" I'm getting back to him on that.
Back to Houston again (keep in mind I have to go back weekly for a month). This time I went alone because it was just two days and I decided to fly. They took a shocking amount of blood and I made the flight back out that afternoon. I met a lady in the lobby while waiting for my shuttle to the airport. She has thyroid cancer and we "talked shop" for about an hour. It's nice to talk to someone who has cancer that understands what you're going through, as weird as that may sound. I have friends that I have made here that I write that are battling too, I finally fit in a club! ;)
Back home again...Football season has started. He's been training and practicing for months now. I knew it was coming and it's finally here. If you live in or around Webb City Missouri, football is where it's at (I got 2 turntables and a microphone...name that song ;) Anyway, scattered-11 time state champs and Keegan is proud to be a part of it. Friday morning happiness.
I made it to the game. In the sweltering heat, and stayed the WHOLE game (barely). It was crowded and hot and no one cared. We won-a great start to the season. Selfies with this guy too? I'll take it.
P.S. I refashioned a tee shirt that wasn't girly enough, you can see a little of it here. I used THIS tutorial and while Cathy's tank is much more sophisticated, I loved the look for the football game too. Pom-pom shoulders!! I'm channeling the inner cheerleader I never was!!
The only thing I did differently; I tied the shoulder strings in knots to hide the stitching instead of gluing on beads, you'll see what I mean when you get over there, and I used 7 instead of 5. I did this literally the same afternoon as the game.
So even though I don't feel like I'm doing enough, I'm not present enough-I need to start thinking about all the things that I am doing and know it's enough. Man, that's hard to do.
Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers, I can't say that enough.
I hope everyone has a GREAT Labor Day!