Sunday, April 22, 2012

No More Bad Hair Days


Never in a million years did I ever think that I would be blogging about cancer, wigs, green lemonade....anything really, other than decorating, crafting...tidbits of life here and there. I suppose that I blog about what is happening in the here and now and well, cancer is the here and now. It is not easy for me to open up and share about cancer and it's effects...every time I sit down it really does occur to me what a terrible writer I am and sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings is just not easily done.
There are so many of you that have reached out to me with support and understanding, stories, advice, prayers....how would I be feeling today if all of you weren't out there pulling for me? You all, along with my family are really helping me, more than I could ever put into words.

Last week I started losing my hair and while it was emotional for me, by the end of this week I was just plain aggravated. It had to go, it was coming out in handfuls...hair EVERYWHERE, I just had to let it go. So Friday afternoon, after the kids got out of school, I sat on a stool in the middle of the kitchen and my MIL shaved my head. Did I cry? Yes, but not for very long. It seemed to me that I started feeling a weight lifted off of me...that for once, I was choosing to do something, instead of the cancer making choices for me...which it's done for a while now.

My hair a couple of months ago, before I started chemo:

 The day of the shave. Most of it had come out and I shed a few tears.

Right now, I'm feeling ok about it. Although, I am FREEZING all the time now. I am cold natured anyway...shave my head and I'm chilled to the bone! I've discovered a few moles (or as my mother always said: beauty marks) on my head that I never knew about. I've been wearing some of my new hats and playing with my scarves...and there is always the wig that I bought to wear too. Keegan took a few days to warm up to the idea of his 'bald' mom...but now we are making bald jokes and moving right along. 
At first, Logan was a little scared, and even though we had talked to him about losing my hair, I don't think he fully understood...but like most kids, he bounced right back and told me he would use his magic to help me grow my hair back...I believe him too.

This was right after we got done, Keegan looking less than thrilled....we are all in shell shock in this picture! I want to take some pictures all dolled up...at least with some make-up so when this cancer is just a memory I can look back and see how far we've come.
(Justin is not in this picture, but he pretty much had the same look on his face as Keegan did!)

I have started reading a book called Crazy Sexy Diet. It is a book written by Kris Carr who changed her entire life to defeat cancer. It is a powerful book that has offered me a lot to think about and presents a lot of ideas to help ME change my life too.  A lot of things she talks about I never even knew or had heard about. I'm almost done with it, but I've already started implementing some things. I will give up eating certain things (processed meats, refined sugars, dairy, etc.) in order to defeat the cancer in my body and live an overall healthier lifestyle. Have you heard of Kris Carr?

I start my second round of chemo tomorrow. Hopefully, I recover faster than I did last time. Talk to you soon! 


61 comments:

  1. I really don't know what to say other then I'm praying for you and am hoping things get much easier for you and your family real soon! Take care! ♥

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  2. Michelle: I think that you are amazing, but you are incredibly wrong about your writing skills! Your posts are honest and inspiring--whether you are talking about interior design or cancer--and you make your readers feel like friends. You are very talented, brave, and strong and I'll be sending you lots of positive thoughts over the next week as you tackle another round of chemo. Stay warm! Tricia

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  3. Thank you for being so open to share your story - I have been a "silent stalker" of your blog for so long and it's so sad to see you have to go through this - many hugs from the Party world!

    hugs! Kim @ Party Frosting!

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  4. Just read about you on Facebook, and am a first time visitor! Loved the blog, as you really do write better than you give yourself credit for doing! I am so amazed at how open and honest you are about you & your children's reactions. Wish there was more of this openness to help others who are going through this but afraid to ask for help,or don't know where to turn! Please, realize, that we are 'walking' with you, being encouraged to look at our own health styles and choices! Godspeed, and many prayers coming your way!

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  5. Keeping you in prayer-that round 2 will not be as difficult. You're doing great!

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  6. I think this is my first time commenting but I always enjoy reading whatever you choose to write. I am not sure what brought me to your blog the first time, but I became a follower because I love your decorating style. Now I am even more enamored by your honesty and openess in sharing your journey. By sharing your journey, I have no doubt you are helping someone else out there who is going through their own struggles. I am praying for you and sending positive thoughts your way.

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  7. Michelle...I pray for you all the time and today at mass there was an announcement that one of our parishioners was going to be traveling to Lourdes France next month to the site of the blessed mother's apparition. The person going offered to take our prayers of intentions with him/her to Lourdes and your name is amoung them. I know I don't know your last name but God knows who I am praying for. The ground there is considered to be concencrated or sacred holy ground.

    And I agree with the previous comment...you are definitely a much better writer than you give yourself credit for and you are not alone on this journey.

    Again my continuous prayers are with you and your family.

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  8. How strong and brave you are to share--and in sharing help someone else out in blogland suffering with cancer who feels they have no one to turn to--has you to thank for showing them about courage and strength and honest feelings. You and your family should feel so proud of you. I pray your next round of chemo will be less challenging and that healing from this disease has already begun in your body...

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  9. With your short hair, Michelle, we can see your pretty face even more!

    Barbara
    Lake St. Louis, MO

    PS I went through Springfield last week and wished I could have met you for a cup of coffee and for prayer. Maybe I can plan better next time and make it happen. Would love to meet you!

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  10. I think you are amazingly strong. I will keep praying, hoping that the chemo kills all the cander cells and that you feel better soon. God Bless. Hugs, Marty

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  11. I cried as I read your post. I remember the feeling well. I too, chose to shave my head when my hair started falling out. Seven years later (and cancer free!), my hair is back, better than ever. However, be careful when stepping outside in the rain for the first time! I was amazed at how the pelting rain hurt my scalp. :) Keep smiling!

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  12. I read a book called 'Cancer Free - Your Guide To Gentle Non-Toxic Healing' by Bill Henderson. It is so insightful, informative and believable. I highly suggest it. Best wishes to you. It seams you are very strong. I know you will be ok.

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  13. Good for you for taking a step to take some control! You are stronger than you think!

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  14. so brave you are and such an inspiration! I am praying boldly for your healing and that God would just take it all away from your body and make you cancer free. This is my prayer for you! Thank you for sharing your life and being so vulnerable. Hope this week is chemo is better for you...keep fighting

    Andrea xo

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  15. You are as beautiful without hair as with hair!

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  16. I think you look absolutely gorgeous without your hair Michelle. As a matter of fact I know my head is flat on top so as far as I'm concerned, you got me beat by miles. And as for your sons, I'd say they're hanging right in there with you. Good look on your chemo this week. I'll say more prayers. Carol

    P.S. If you need some uplifting, go to my blog, I have some gorgeous images there that will instantly change your feelings. Just click any keyword bottom right of my blog.

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  17. Good luck to you--my thoughts and prayers are with you..and your family as I am s ure it is hard for them to watch you have to go through this. Your hair was beautiful making it harder to lose (sometimes I think I should shave my head in hopes my hair would come in healthier!) but your hair will be back. Take care--you will get thru this:)

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  18. I cried as I read this, know that I am praying for you and have since you first shared, I believe that you are healed by the stripes of Jesus. Praying!

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  19. Bless you and your family. I am thankful that God has made you such a strong woman. May He hold you closely as you go through your gates to wholeness.

    I have heard that coconut oil is very helpful to those fighting cancer. You can eat it straight up, put it in smoothies, put it on your toast instead of butter, cook with it.

    Praying God strengthen you and draws you closer.

    (((hug)))
    YOU are BEAUTIFUL!

    Kimmie
    mama to 8
    one homemade and 7 adopted

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  20. I am pulling for you, and hair today - gone tomorrow. That is the sign I have my best friend the day she shaved hers. She had already chosen her wig by the time she did it. She felt the same way - that for once she was taking control of something. You are such a strong-willed woman who I greatly admire and respect. You will WIN this battle. God bless you, Barb

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  21. I saw a woman at trader joes last week with her head shaved. She looked at me in line behind her and struck up a convo with me about the weather or something like that. I left thinking she was so beautiful. Confident, unashamed and bold. I thought if she was my mom, sister, friend, I would be so proud of her.

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  22. Way to take control! Show this cancer who is boss. Love and prayers coming your way.

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  23. Sharing your story is a real gift - thank you! I am keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers!

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  24. Lord you know Michelle and I pray right now in the Name of Jesus you touch her body and heal her from this cancer. Lord be with her family give them peace, comfort and strength while their Mom goes through Chemo. Lord I pray that Michelle does not have any side effects from the chemo. Lord may Michelle feel your presence and and your love surround her each moment of the day. In the Name of Jesus I pray Amen

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  25. You are a great example of courage and I am sending hugs and prayers your way. When my mom had cancer when I was in High School she had the same problem with her head being so cold. She had a lot of people offer kind (but sometimes crazy) gifts and ideas during that time but she always says that the soft Nike beanie her friend gave her was the best, most loved and used. I remember her wearing it to sleep, all day at home. Best of luck to you in everything!

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  26. wow, you are gorgeous! And strong and amazing and my prayers go out to you and your family...

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  27. Dear Sister I can't say enough about how wonderful you are. Glad to see you sticking with writing the Blog. Wish I could have stayed longer to be with you for this event. Looks like you did just fine,You make me so PROUD that you are my Sister. Love and Prayers Love Klair

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  28. you look lovely with or without the hair...!!
    i have loved your blog always and i am even more in awe of the person that you are!!
    my bestest wishes for u and ur family!!

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  29. Your tagline says "Create Something Beautiful" and you are certainly doing that now! You!

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  30. Michelle: I'm typing through my tears. I can tell how much you are hating it, and you have every right to feel that way, and it is probably good for you to feel that way right now. Get it done with and move on to a better place, because there will be one. The fact that you and the boys are making bald jokes is a good thing. You are so strong, although you probably are very tired of everyone saying that, but we can see it. The fact that you are still writing your blog is proof of that and you are a really good writer. I hope you feel that you can keep it up. If you don't realize it at times, it's probably good for you. Take next week slow and easy, don't push yourself and this too shall pass..Always thinking of you and your family..Judy

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  31. God Bless you and thank you for being so honest and baring your soul. Thanks to your family also for sharing you, with us.

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  32. Je vous souhaite plein de courage et donnez nous de vos nouvelles pour que de mon petit coin de France je vous soutienne.
    Je pense bien ร  vous.
    Pascale

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  33. Michelle,
    You did it and I'm so proud of you for taking that first step outta the boat. I remember as a little girl getting my hair cut the first time and being told "it wouldn't hurt"...but as a woman, sometimes it does.
    Don't ever question your abilites as to being a warrior princess or a writer. Your words, written straight from a honest heart, speak volumes and I thank you for having the courage to write them.
    I'm asking God for strength for you as you begin your second round and if you feel like you can't stand up, remember I'll be standing in the gap for you...as will countless others.
    Blessings,
    Debbie

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  34. Prayers continue Michelle! Thinking of you and your family. God will provide strength and guidance. Blessings and Hugs!

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  35. Michelle, like I've said before you are an inspiration!! I think you look lovely. I love your writing. I love your craft posts but I love the way you write and the stories you tell us as you fight this brave fight. You are constantly in my prayers.
    hugs

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  36. Bless your heart. You still look beautiful. Your hair will grow back and it will be gorgeous. Prayers are being sent your way.

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  37. Dear Michelle,
    You are a beautiful young woman with the dcourage of a lion. Your practical optimism, and ability to take control shows your amazing character. Those of us who read your blog are in this fight with you. All of my love.
    kathy

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  38. Michelle, you are AWESOME! You have given your readers more than a peek into your life, you have given us such a gift. Your courage, worry, laughter and all your other wonderful qualities are all things we can learn from and stop taking for granted. Keep writing and keep being amazing! Sending you a cyberhug....do you feel it?

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  39. The picture of your MIL actually cutting your hair is gut wretching. If I had been there I would have been sobbing right along with you. I really appreciate you sharing your feelings Michelle, good or bad. It helps (us) those who haven't experienced it have a little better insight about what our friends that have are feeling.

    Good luck on your next round.

    Gloria in Virginia

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  40. Michelle, you are wonderful woman and mother. Yes please keeping writing. Thanks for sharing...Pat hugs and prayers

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  41. Oh Michelle, I read this and cried too!!! But you know what? I am thinking that you totally rock the sans hair look. Seriously. I am in awe of you. Take care & God bless you and your family.

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  42. You are a wonderful writer. (I must admit that some bloggers make me crazy with their lack of skills in that department. I skim them just to see their pictures!) I truly love reading what you write. I love your creative tips and beautiful projects. I love hearing about your faith. You are such an encouragment to me on so many levels. I will be praying for you this week: effective treatments, strength, courage, peace, quick recovery and you'll be warm and also for your family.

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  43. Michelle,

    When I look at you I see a beauty that is not defined by her hair, but rather the beauty that is defined by the soul of the women. I know your boys will see that as well, they will see it because of how you carry yourself and how comfortable they see you become in this new armour you have been adorned with.

    I think God has choosen you to be a messenger of what it is to be strong in Faith, in actions and not just words. You are admired by so many. You are listend to by so many, You have gained the attention of so many....He knew he already gave you the "tools" you would need for this fight, he knows your strength, beyond what you have yet to discover

    I tell you this because of the road I have traveled myself and the journey I find myself on with my Mother...This I know as well....
    "Faith, is being sure of what we hope for and Certain of what we do not see"

    My Mother is 77 yrs old, a 25 yrd old breast cancer survivor, a 5 year stroke survivor, and recently diagnosed with Ovarian cancer. 3 weeks later she had a heart attack and 6 months later she had her Gall Bladder removed as a complication. She didn't want chemo if it meant losing her hair, she had had enough. GRACE stepped in and she chose LIFE. I have never seen such a beautiful bald head before, because all I saw was GRACE and STRENGTH and FAITH in something bigger than herself. She even liked her wig hair better than her own hair! I am proud to say She is cancer free Today and so we celebrate the gift of Today. Because I realize how fragile each one is.

    Someday, when you are feeling down and blue, do yourself a favor and look up Laura Story's song, "Blessings" on itunes. I promise you will be renewed with strength and understanding. This I know too, FAITH - PRAYERS - FAMILY - are odds that Doc's just can't explain, they have conquered all medical reasoning in the past - You are stronger than you realize.

    Much support and prayers

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  44. Keep writing and know that we really admire you. You are a brave soul and sharing your story takes a huge amount inside. We all want to know how you are doing. You can beat it and thanks so much for sharing your pictures

    Know we love you and are praying for you always!!

    The above post is so true. Faith, Prayers, and Family says it all

    God Bless,

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  45. Holly molly what an amazing women you are. I just came across your blog this evening and am in awe of you. How truly strong and unbelievable brave you are to share your story with us all. You hooked me form the first sentence I read and I cant wait to explore more of your blog. I will be praying for you that your second round of chemo goes well you have a quick recovery and the strength to carry on. You are a amazing.

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  46. You look beautiful with or without hair. There is a place called Natures Garden. We have tried most of these recipes and love them. Our family is vegan and my 2 kids have never known anything other than being vegan. Anyways, these recipes aim to keep your body alkalized which is what fights the cancer. http://naturesgardenwellnesscenter.com/uploads/2/7/3/1/2731101/green_drink_recipes.pdf

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  47. I'd like to congratulate you on your
    bravery and your will to survive.
    I went through this with my then 21
    year old daughter, she too went through
    what your going through and please keep
    as much faith as you can, for my daughter
    is turning 40 this year and has had nothing
    but negative testing all these years.
    I'm also sending as many prayers and good
    vibes to you as I can muster....
    Good luck to you and please keep a positive
    attitude and nothing but happy thoughts each
    day.
    (((huggss)))
    Sandy

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  48. Wow, I am blown away by your courage. You are beautiful bald. Keeping fighting.

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  49. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PU-OBYQvNkQ (real doctor)

    Turmeric fights all stages of cancer.

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  50. Bless you and what do you mean you don't write well? You write beautifully and from the heart. Your keeping it real here is probably a real comfort to others that have or are walking this same path. A new cancer center just opened in our community this month and we were invited to an open house. It really was amazing and included a salon that was set up just to help people that maybe didn't want to tackle this task themselves. It also was set up with tons of scarf and hat choices and hair pieces galore. It was encouraging to see that they had given so much thought to the emotional side of this disease. Wishing you good health and a complete recovery.
    hugs,
    pam

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  51. Michelle, I have been thinking of you all week, and what a emotional thing you went thru with the hair cut, I sat and cried for you and your family, this should not be happening to you and them, but I am so amazed by how brave you were and that you took control of the situation. You are AMAZING! I send you my hugs and prayers as always. I hope that this treatment has been easier for you.

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  52. Hello from Spain! You are a strong woman and you are wonderful .... and beautiful, with and without hair, your beauty is you as a person!! you give me a Big life lesson....I send you a little Spanish sunshine, and a big big hug!! Carmen. ^ _ ^

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  53. Great post,I really like your article

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  54. This made me so sad for you sweetie! You are one brave lady, and you really do look beautiful without hair~something a lot of ladies can't say! That hurdle is over with now, so now you can focus more on healing and keeping your spirits in the fighting mode! I will be praying for you in the days and weeks ahead as I follow your blog on your journey. Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other, our God is healer, awesome in power, our God, our God~by Chris Tomlin. Look this song up on YouTube and I think you will get some peace and assurance. Hugs ~Jan

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  55. Michelle,
    Every day I check my reader hoping for a post from you...you are never far from my thoughts. I've followed your blog from the beginning and feel a certain connection to you...we think alike! I want to write something eloquent and meaningful, but all I can think of is this really sucks and I hate it. I'm praying for you...Cindy

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  56. I check in here daily and really appreciate, in a somewhat selfish way, that you keep posting here through all of this. I appreciate that you put the good, the bad, the ugly and the scary and that through it all, you are just such a good soul. I'm not the praying type normally so maybe that says to the one up there that something special (if not just odd) is happening when I come a knocking.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. Your family is remarkable and may their love carry you through.

    Bernadette
    www.b3hd.blogspot.com

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  57. Praying Michelle. We went through cancer with my Mom. I was the one to shave her head. So many emotions come to mind just thinking about it all.

    Cheri

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  58. Huge bundles of positive, healthy wishes for you and your family Michelle. You look fabulous and I always love cool headscarves! But most importantly what a brave and inspiring lady you are x

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  59. Hi Michelle, I found youon Pinterest so came over to see your blog. I am so sorry to see you are battling cancer but you are one STRONG and BEAUTIFUL lady!!!! God bless you, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. How BRAVE of you to take control and shave your hair off. I am always in AWE of anyone battling cancer. I don't know if I would be that strong. XO, Pinky

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Thank You for taking the time to comment! Because of the insane amount of spam comments, I had to stop anonymous comments-sorry for the inconvenience.
Michelle