Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Choosing My Attitude

As I write this, the year mark of chemotherapy has come and gone. I had some preconceived notion of how this new part of my life was going to go....discover that cancer has joined me again (uninvited, mind you), 6 months of chemo, tumors were going to vanish, I could proclaim "I'm cancer free!" and move on.....but it just isn't that cut and dry. Why on earth did I think it would be?
   Attitude is everything isn't it? Whatever we face in life from the big things (like cancer) or the little things (laundry-ha) attitude can really make a difference. I've been told how strong I am, and I often pause, because, I don't really don't think about it in terms like that....I don't think to myself; "Today, Michelle, we are going to be strong!"....I open my eyes each morning, and I am aware of the blessing that is. I opened my eyes this morning. I am alive another day...and go from there. :) I think a lot of it comes from my personality, easy going, flexible, laid-back..."Oh? We're going to change my regimen for the 4th time? K."

The drug that I am currently on bottoms out my white blood counts, so the doctor has changed my regimen again...chemo every other week with a Nuelasta shot the day after. So we will see how this goes.
I haven't blogged in a while and I would like to announce allllll the things I've done, but, quite frankly not much has been done. On a couple of days that I felt decent, I did do some leg work on figuring out what new counters I am going to select for The Kitchen Facelift: Phase 2. I also purchased some cabinetry (not all) to start that part. It is slow going...but I'm focusing on the going part not the slow part. See? All in the attitude ;)
Another ludicrous ER visit that I have to tell you about. I was innocently eating dinner one night, and because the chemo has weakened my teeth, I cracked a molar in half. Oh no, I think, dental work and chemotherapy is a big no-no (high risk of infection)...so I call the Dr. the next day, I get my blood checked, and he oks me to get the work done. I make an appointment with my dentist and we decide to extract the tooth. I get home after my appointment, everything had gone ok, then around 3 o'clock in the afternoon, I start bleeding from the extraction site. I am changing gauze A LOT. I call the dentist and they tell me to hold ice water in my mouth to help the blood clot...I do this and it doesn't help at all. I will not gross you out with all the details...but we decide to go to the ER because I never stop bleeding. Fast forward to getting back home around 3 am (yes, I bled for a long time) and I am not home 15 minutes and I start bleeding again! I wait to see if it will stop again (another several hours) and it just won't....off to the ER again. As we are rolling into the ER, I check the gauze and I've stopped bleeding. We wait in the parking lot to see if it is going to start up again and it doesn't. We decide to call the cancer institute because my MIL is worried that I haven't eaten or drank anything that I'm dehydrated. They get me in right away and I get a bag of fluids and start feeling a tiny bit better. The bleeding has continued to hold off and we head back home and go to sleep...one of the worst experiences. Ugh.
Fast forward to April 1st (just 4 days after the bleeding saga), I have an appointment to have chemo, guess what? Yep, you guessed it, my hemoglobin was too low to receive chemo. Ugh again. But it was all the blood loss from the tooth extraction (RBC's) not the WBC's as normal. So they send me over to the hospital to get a blood transfusion...which I have never had a transfusion before...so I was a little nervous. It was a very slow process, I got 2 units of blood, and I finally made it home just in time for The Voice. ;) It was a long day. They told me I would start feeling better by today and since I am writing, I suppose I am...the house is still a wreck, but at least I'm awake.

On some much more exciting news...someone that wished to remain anonymous, bought this fantastic necklace for me! It is made by a gal that lives in Joplin (right by me). I first discovered her work at the 2 Friends & Junk Show that she had a booth at...she has an Etsy shop called Tarnished Charm. So somebody saw that I liked this necklace and had it sent to me. I can't believe how generous people are! Remember when a friend sent a juice book to me (Hi Susan!!)??? I am just so thankful to whomever got this for me...actually, it's killing me! I really want to know who it is!! Ha!


Isn't it just beautiful? Thank you to whoever sent this, I love it so much! (just leave your name in the comments, I won't tell anyone)



That is everything that has been going on with me lately. I have had a few meltdowns in between, but still trying to maintain a certain level of peace by choosing my attitude.
Thank you for sticking around with me. I hope it won't be too long before I'm back...we'll see what this new juice does for me! :)


2011-12-013

26 comments:

  1. What a sweet gift. Yes, people can be wonderful. Always good to read your posts. Sorry to hear about your tooth and trips to the ER. Sending positive thoughts your way.

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  2. people are so nice, and of course it makes it so much sweeter when it is for no better reason than just becasue. you have been on my mind and in my prayers alot this week, so very glad to see this post, continuing to send you prayers, thoughts, hugs and healing red lipstick kisses because you are one of gods greatest works of art, and i know he has lots of things in store for you!

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  3. Dearest Michelle,
    Life seems to take us by surprise sometimes. Things happen that we certainly didn't ask for. I am a thyroid cancer survivor soooo far for 3 years. I'm still here on the planet. My energy level and activity level have been an ongoing challenge. There are other changes in my body that have taken place. God help us.

    It's great to have a good attitude. Helps.
    My peace comes from the Lord. Without Him I am nothing.

    If you want to talk, I can be found over on my blog.
    Sweet Blessings to you,
    d

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  4. What a lovely, honest post. Love to you on this journey that feels like it will never end! Thanks for sharing your ins and outs...love your attitude. Keep trusting and leaning on Him. He never fails! Prayers to you.

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  5. Michelle, I think attitude is so important in everything we do. You have a very good amount of it! Glad all that bleeding is behind you and the running around too, now hopefully you can rest to build your strength back up.One day at a time. I'm thinking of you always..Take care of yourself, Judy

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  6. This was the most inspirational thing I have read in a long time! I feel like I came across this post for a reason today. Attitude really is everything! I hope your treatments go well. Thank you for the words of wisdom today, I really needed that!

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  7. Michelle, we're here. Not going anywhere. Waiting along side you. Hoping and hoping and hoping. Take care, Carol

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  8. Sending positive thoughts your way! Take care, Shelley

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  9. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing about your life. You are a wonderful example for us all. I promise I will be praying for you.

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  10. Michelle,
    I like rustic honey felt this post was speaking to me personally. Thank you so much for the reminder on attitude. Please know you touched and made an impact in my life today! I will be praying for you.

    Mary

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  11. Whenever you write I read. And you're right it's all about attitude. I'm sending you positive healing energy, take care, Jayne

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  12. I always look forward to reading your blog. It's always.always.always a boast for me. The way you share the very personal things happening in your life and are so 'real' about it is inspiring and especially helpful to me as I am an ovarian.cancer.no.disease.present.at.the.moment person. (That's how the doctor puts it....no disease present.) I guess that's good but I'd like him to say cancer.free. But you are so right....it's all in the attitude and I need a lot of attitude.checks. Thank you for your encouragement to me and I look forward to your blog that reads cancer.free!!!!!

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  13. You always inspire me when I get an email from your blog. You are amazingly strong even if you don't recognize it. Attitude is everything so you're on the right path! God bless.

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  14. Welcome back! I'm so glad to see how you are doing, even when it's a difficult time for you. I keep you in my prayers and appreciate knowing how you are doing, good or ill. I'm blessed to have you in my life, even just here! Sending big hugs and spring blossoms to brighten your day. Hang in there. You are SO not alone! Oh, and awesome necklace! God bless whoever did it for you!

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  15. Thinking of you and wishing you better days ahead.....

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  16. Always know Michelle your readers love you and I pray for a cancer free life for you. You are an amazing woman! How wonderful of the person to send you the necklace.

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  17. Can we donate blood in your name? I live a few states away but would if that was possible. I commented that I made homemade chalk paint on my kitchen remodel and would post pictures on my nonprofessional blog. I made a pathetic post last night and but wanted to let you know that I was starting to get those pictures up. madmerriment.blogspot.com I follow you on pinterest too and am always glad to see your pins. Always praying for you and your family.

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  18. 2 words: YOU INSPIRE.
    Prayers still coming your way.

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  19. I have been checking your blog daily to see if you are feeling well enough to let us know what is happening with you. It is out of sincere wishes for you to be feeling better. I don't know you on a personal level but feel like I do because of your ability to share with us. Let's hope this new treatment plans begin to bring you back to normal.

    Can't wait for you to start your remodel process and share with us. We are starting a bedroom/bath project this summer and can't wait for it to start and for the end so I can wake up in a new bedroom.

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  20. Stay strong sweetie prayers and hugs!

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  21. Hi Michelle! It's SUSAN!!! I'm just reading this as my computer has been down... funny how yours is the first thing I read when I'm back up!! So sorry for your latest bleeding episode. I'm praying and wishing you the best. So glad someone gifted you with the coolest necklace! Enjoy because I'm sure that person is truly blessed to be the giver as you are as the receiver. Take care and we are standing by your side in spirit.

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  22. You and your positive attitude are an inspiration. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  23. Michelle, Hang in there, and know all of us out here are praying like crazy behind the scenes for you.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers more than I express and I know it's hard to fight the fight you're on right now but know you're not alone.

    Don't worry about your blog, know sometimes it's difficult for people to comment, they don't know quite what to say, but the loving thoughts are there that they want to convey. Whip this horrendous thing called cancer and all the complications that come with it and know we can't fight it for you but we battle it's negative energy it brings to your life and counter back with energy of good wishes and love.

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  24. Michelle, I am so sorry for all you are going through. Even as I type the words I hear how inadequate they are... but I truly am. You are in my thoughts and prayers. In fact You motivate me to pray!
    xoxoxoDede

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  25. Keep yourself strong.I think this is the best way and you know that.

    chic

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Thank You for taking the time to comment! Because of the insane amount of spam comments, I had to stop anonymous comments-sorry for the inconvenience.
Michelle